


Not Strictly Murder

by Emerald_Gay



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: F/M, Slightly bent canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Gay/pseuds/Emerald_Gay
Summary: Soos's date with Melody is going poorly, as Giffany closes in with her robotic minions.Can he save the date with a microwave?
Relationships: Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez/Melody, Soos & Giffany
Kudos: 7





	Not Strictly Murder

"Think about it! Real girls are unpredictable, they judge you. You really think Melody is going to take you back after this awful date?" Giffany asks, showing a picture of Soos holding up roses to Melody only to have the door slammed in his face. "I can download your brain into the game, and we'll be together, forever." At this, the lead robot’s hand splits open, and a USB drive comes out of its index finger. The droid's red eyes fix on Soos as it holds its hand towards him and slowly begins to walk forward.

"I know what it's like to be alone," Soos says shakily, pulling at his collar as he backs towards the pizza oven. He was hoping to throw the CD in there, but it was locked. "Thinking no one wants you." He glances at Melody, whose eyes are understanding.

"That's why I'm here, Soos, I can be there for you," Giffany's robot says in unison with her screen, holding its hand to its chest. "We can be together forever. You don't need them." At the last words, the robots holding Dipper, Mabel, and Melody tighten their grip, and the humans cry out in pain.

"What are you doing?" Dipper groans, straining against the animatronic frog. "Don't talk to it! Just destroy it!"

"Yeah, kill that robot girl!" Mabel chimes out in agreement, her sweater caught in the joints of the Barrel Rat. Soos looks at Melody, caught in the headless bear's grip. As her eyes meet his, he realizes something.

"Look, Giffany," he says, pulling at his collar, his eyes frantically searching the room as her robot body slowly advances on him. At last, he sees something helpful. "I know what it's like to be lonely, but that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk, dude."

"No one's ever tried to delete you before," Giffany replies in a low, harsh voice.

"The only one threatening me is you!" Soos says, taking a step forward, his eyes narrowing. Giffany's robot form steps back, shocked.

"But I was there for you, Soos. When you needed me, I was there. I'll always be there for you," she replies, her shoulders straightening as the glowing red eyes lock with his.

"Then why are you hurting my friends?"

"You don't need them, Soos, you only need me!" Giffany says, the robot launching forward into a jog towards Soos. Soos crouches, a screwdriver hidden in his hand.

"I used to think like you - that romance was all anyone needed. But you're wrong!" With the last word, Soos lunges forward, plunging the screwdriver into the animatronic chipmunk's left eye. Sparks fly as the robot slams into the oven and Soos ducks under its scrambling arms. He races from the back of the kitchen towards the counter. He turns back to see the robot, screwdriver still in its eye, sparks twitching out of the gash, standing up and facing him. The fur and clothes are singed and torn by the sharp corners and bolts on the oven's surface. Giffany's digital self is clutching at her eye, pixelated blood seeping out from behind her pink hands. Her other eye is a narrow slit, filled with rage. She lets out a low growl as Soos opens the microwave.

This idea came to him from a misspent youth of microwaving metal because it looked cool. He’d found out the hard way that CDs don't work when you microwave them - he’d put his favorite album in there to watch it “light up.”

Soos hurriedly opens the microwave and throws the CD in there. He closes it as the robot launches itself at him with a screech, and Soos hits the beverage button on the microwave. Too late, Giffany realizes what is happening and tries to leave the TV screen, racing towards the microwave.

But it turns on, and she screams in pain, her bloodied eye uncovered as her pixels are ripped away, the electricity arcing through the metal of the cursed CD. The disc sparks blue and green and electricity flows out of the microwave in a burst, turning off the possessed robots. The CD finally lays still as the microwave finishes its cycle and lets out a loud ding.

\----------------------------------------------

Soos and Melody sit on the Skee-Ball machines, fires slowly smoldering around them. The robots lie beaten and broken on the floor. A poster from the ceiling falls onto the floor and catches on fire; the smells of oil and pizza fill the air. Soos has his hat in his hands, which are covered in scratches and little bruises. His clothes have been torn somewhat. Melody isn't much better, her hair out of place. 

Soos grunts and says "I'm sorry for all this. I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid."

Melody laughs and says "Believe it or not, I've been on worse dates."

"Really?" Soos asks, turning towards her incredulously.

"Never date a magician," Melody says, pointing a finger at him, her eyes narrowing.

"Ew, why would I?" Soos replies, waving the idea of it away. He wrings his hat. "Oh hey, you wouldn't be interested in coming to my cousin's engagement party in a week? I promise there's, like, zero robot badgers."

"Yeah, I'll still be in town then," Melody laughs.

"What do you mean, you’ll still be in town?" Soos’s face scrunches.

"I'm going back home to Portland in a few weeks. But we can video chat, if that's okay with you?" Melody asks, turning her head towards Soos.

"A relationship with a girl I can only see through my computer?" Soos pauses, thinking. "Sounds perfect!" Suddenly the speakers of the pizza place crackle back to life, an ethereal static coming over the airwaves.

"What about me, Soos?" a familiar voice says through the static.

Giffany appears, pixelating haphazardly into view on the TV above them. Her left eye has been bandaged by her knee socks, and her bow has only one tassel left. Her school-girl uniform is patched by math homework in places, and an entire section of her stomach is simply a black void. Her left hand is missing fingers; the left side of her hair is shorter and burnt.

"Why are you still here? I microwaved the disk!" Soos cries, standing between the television screen and Melody. Dipper and Mabel scream from the ball pit, and begin to extricate themselves, moving towards the adults.

"Yes, but you didn't get rid of me. You can't get rid of me that easily." Giffany starts out the sentence with a sinister tone, edging towards the screen, but by the end of her statement, she's backing away, and her eye looks softer, sad almost.

"You aren't taking Melody away from me!" Soos cries. Melody smiles a bit at this.

"What about us?" Mabel says, tripping on a ball as she attempts to get out of the pit.

"Or them!" Soos adds.

"Why would I do that, Soos?" Giffany asks, turning away from the screen as if in remorse.

"You just tried to kill us!" Dipper replies, helping Mabel out of the ball pit.

"That's in the past" Giffany says, her voice hitching and fading in and out in a burst of static. Her body flickers on the screen. "I feel better now."

"No homicidal robots?" Dipper asks, surprised.

"Nope!" Giffany says, smiling softly at Dipper. Her remaining eye looks sad as she adjusts the bandage on the other. "All I ever wanted was some company," she says wistfully, running her fingers through her hair. "I think I'm going to go explore for a while. I need to learn more to be a better girlfriend.” She turns back towards Soos. "There's a big world out there. I'll be watching out for you!" She snaps her fingers as hearts float up around her and the screen fades out to black.

There's a brief pause before Soos says "Well, that was-"

"Oh, and good luck with the girl, Soos," Giffany adds, reappearing on the screen. She winks and taps her forehead. "You learned well." The screen goes dark again.

"-Weird," Soos finishes his sentence, looking very confused. But Melody's hand in his reassures him a bit. "Let's go home."

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to give Giffany more of a redemption arc than she got in the show, where frankly she was murdered by Soos and no one really addresses it.  
> I felt bad for her. She was created to be friendly and her creator tried to kill her. The homicidal behavior is still not very hand-waveable.  
> In this fic, Soos’s option of the oven doesn’t work, and instead the CD is microwaved, which only destroys most of the information on a given disk (typically making it unreadable).  
> Giffany was basically a cyber-lich with the CD as her phylactery, so I thought, well, what if it was damaged instead and that freed her somehow?  
> Might write another where she comes back!
> 
> Beta'd by Volchitsa_of_winterfell


End file.
